.~* Sweet Twenty-One *~. version two.

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jam. jampot. ma emma janice. twentyone. chem eng student here. senior. president of svcf diliman. ex cheerleader. single but happy. youngest among siblings. sentimental. tough girl outside, fragile inside. melts at the sight of a sunset. possesses an amazing talent in burping.
currently feeling

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mail: swity_jampot@yahoo.com
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version: two. {Strawberry Jam}
inspired by: her very own name. she's sweet, she's twenty one, she's Jam. :)
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The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits. Albert Einstein

Sunday, Jul. 25, 2004

Grace for the moment

"The longings of your heart, then are not incidental; they are critical messages. the desires of your heart are not to be ignored; they are to be ocnsulted. As the wind turns the weather vane, so God uses your passions to turn your life. God is too gracious to ask you to do something you hate."
-max lucado

Lord,i trust in you. You will not give me something that will harm me, i know you want the best for me. Whatever passion I have right now, may it be use for your glory Lord.

jam posted at 3:59 pm

Monday, Jun. 21, 2004

A day to remember

I felt like Jamie Sullivan yesterday because finally I witnessed my long-awaited miracle. Ever since childhood I had only one request to God, my tatay’s salvation.

My tatay is not a perfect father; he is not even the typical father. He was an alcoholic. He drinks beer as if his life depended on it. I remembered during my pre-school and elementary graduation walking up to the stage to get my medal without my father because he’s at home drunk. I was not proud to get my award because I wanted to get it with my tatay. I’m proud to be his daughter and I don’t care if he was an alcoholic. I also recall all the father’s day celebration in our church without my tatay. I usually hate that day because I had no father to celebrate the event.

Even though I grew up with this kind of situation with my tatay, I still loved him. God enabled me to see the good things about my tatay. He is a very humble man. I never heard him say any bad things about people. He is a very funny guy, I get my jokes to him. He lives a very simple and uncomplicated life. And to top it all, he cares for me very much. I know and I can feel it. My father didn’t have a stable job because of his vice, so we didn’t live in a comfortable condition. But I guess, his love for us is enough to fill in his financial obligations to us. I don’t need money, I needed a father.

For many years, I prayed for my father’s salvation. I would always go in front during altar call. I wept aloud until God can hear my heart’s cry. Everyone in our church knew of my prayer and they were also backing me up in prayer. After almost 12 years, God finally answered my prayer.

Last January my tatay started to come with us to attend church. I can recall it vividly; it was January 4 when my tatay went in front of our church to be welcomed by the brethren. And yes, I was happy, ecstatic and jumping for joy to see him there. Although he is quite old now, the lines on his forehead shouts his age, he is still the most handsome man on earth (next is my present crush).

Months have passed and I didn’t realize my miracle until yesterday. When for the first time I celebrated Father’s day with my tatay. I cried during our presentation. We sang our own version of How did u know for our fathers. I also saw two big men in tears while singing the song. I feel blessed and complete to see my tatay watching me sing. It was like getting my medal in elementary. It was like winning a lottery. It was like finding the missing piece of my childhood.

I thank God for granting my miracle. I guess I’m up to my second request, to be in two places at the same time. *wink*

jam posted at 7:05 pm

Friday, Jun. 18, 2004

miss ko na sila

SVCF EXEC 2003-2004

Although I'm still in UP, enrolled in 5 subjects, UPlife is different for me now. I miss my co-execs, I miss our monday meetings and I miss our kulitan. Once inawhile I get to see them in the tambayan, but usually I am always in a hurry so I don't have a chance to talk to them. I hope one of these days I can sit with them again at the metal box.

Another thing is, I can count my ka-edad friends in UP. Most of them kasi already graduated and are now working. So I usually go with my thing alone, unlike before na laging may kasama at kausap. Di naman sad, ok din para si Lord naman maka-fellowship ko:)

BY the way, I have two rakets to support my gimiks. I'm tutoring a neighborhood friend for UPCAT and I'm also a student assitant in PolSci department. I'm enjoying my part-time jobs. It takes me away from idle mind and lungkot moments.

Hay, grabe na ito and drama ku kahit di tutuu..hehe.

jam posted at 11:53 am

Thursday, Jun. 10, 2004

jam's heart

I've been confined in heaven's operating room for 2 months and i'm still going there for everyday check-up.I underwent a heart surgery because God thinks that it is not functioning well and I might end up dead if He'll not do it.

I guess this will be a public confession for me of some sort because I rarely share my deep feelings.Anyway, here goes my piece.

ALmost a year ago, I didn't realized that i killed my heart. I couldn't bear to see my heart severely wounded. It was bleeding and aching. I couldn't handle it alone soI I placed my heart in God's hand. I thought I placed it, but looking back, it was more of killing it tahn giving it to God.

For a year, I lived my life separated from my heart. I was just using my mind to go on with my journey. My heart was dead. It was not beating, it didnt feel anything at all.

BUt my Master is not contented with this lifestyle i have.So He invited me to have an open-heart surgery.It was hard, painful and tedious.

I can't say that my heart is normal again. No, it's not. My heart is still learning to function once more and get the beat of life.

And maybe, just maybe, someone will teach me to feel again...or even to love again.

Whew. there I said my piece. Enogh of my hard-rock heart, it's time to have a heart of flesh and feel the groove of life!

jam posted at 3:36 am

Friday, Nov. 21, 2003

i'm with pepay (ang batang B.I) at the computer center. I should be in the line finishing my enrollment, and sh should be enlisting for another subject. But as always, tinatamad kami pareho. So I invited her to spend the remaining hour here.

Classes will start next week. I'm excited because it will be my last sem in college. I want to give my best shot to it. I'm also waiting for the result of my application to Ahead Tutorial Center. I hope I can get into it so I can have extra money for gimiks.

I also finished reaing In HIs Steps,a novel written by Chrales Sheldon. It's a good book. It's about being a true disciple of Christ. The invitaion of Christ was "Come and Suffer". It struck my heart, bull's eye. I want to be His follower, but I know it will not be easy for me. Bu I now His grace will be sufficient to guide me nd lead me.

Gosh, I'm so inlove with the Lord. Nothing else matters but His will for my life. HIs good, pleasing and perfect will.

jam posted at 10:48 pm

Thursday, May. 30, 2002

song for the moment

IT IS YOUR LOVE
Nothing in this world can satisfy me
Jesus you alone can fill me up
I could gain the world and all its treasures
But all those things will never be enough
It is your love
It is your goodness
It is your kindness and compassion
That fills me up inside
It is your grace
Your tender mercy
It is your presence in my life that satisfy

-------

I can't remember all the lyrics but these are the words that has spoken to my heart. I have been going on circles as to what will happen to my life after college. I wanted to succeed in life. Like every body else, I want fame and fortune. But as I was praying and asking God for His plan for my life. I heard this song two sundays ago, and it gave me the answer to my question. God is my inheritance. He is the only thing that can satisfy me. I've been very anxious of the things that are going in and out of my life. Changes that I can't stop. But God remained and will remain faithfull to me forever. That gives me the assurance of a bright future. Me and the lord, together forever..(Romans 8).

jam posted at 8:35 am

Thursday, May. 27, 2004

wala akong maisip na title

Sakit ng ulo ko, just got back from pampangga this afternoon then went straight to Katipunan for an appointment. Naks. Ahead called me up and asked me to take the advance exam, nag-aaply kasi akong tutor. Bad trip and hirap, parang board exam. Yung unang exam, mga three weeks ago pranga upcat. YUng kanina 3times mas mahirap. Tungkol sa Algebra, Chemistry, Physics, Geometry at Language. Hirap pala mag-isip pag sobrang bakasyon ang isip. Hopefully makuha ako sa work para may extra income this sem, gusto ko kasi ng kotse. Hehehe (libre an mangarap)

Sa mga nang-hahunting kung saan lupalop ako nag-tago after summer classes..sa pampanga po,isang sakay mula sa SM San Fernando. Binantayan ko kasi pamangkin ko. Enjoy mag-alaga ng toddler. Ang kulit! Lahat tinatanong, lahat pinapakialaman.

Feeling ko isang buwan akong nawala, ang bagal kasi ng buhay sa province. Sobrang pranig ako sa ang tahimik na nga ng paligid, brown-out pa. Sabi ng ate ko, mag-muni-muni na lang daw ako.

Ayun, punta ko sa farm, sa likod lang ng bahay ng ate ko. Ang sarap ng hangin..sariwang-sariwa. Naghabulan kami ng pamangkin ko at naglaro ng putik. Hay..life! Walang ganyan sa SM.

Dami ko napag-isip isip sa bakasyon ko. For the first time, nanahimik at nagpahinga ako to-the-max.

Next time na lang yung mga napagmuni-munihan ko...basta happiness and quietness ang life ko ngayon. Pero june na, may mga parting naring mga bagyo.

Thanks pala kay kay artistmonk,te meigh, pepay, tarits, na nag-tag:) At pati sa laging nagbabasa ng blog ko (you-know-who-u-are) thanks.

jam posted at 4:23 pm

Thursday, May. 27, 2004

wala akong maisip na title

Feeling ko isang buwan akong nawala, ang bagal kasi ng buhay sa province. Sobrang pranig ako sa ang tahimik na nga ng paligid, brown-out pa. Sabi ng ate ko, mag-muni-muni na lang daw ako.

Ayun, punta ko sa farm, sa likod lang ng bahay ng ate ko. Ang sarap ng hangin..sariwang-sariwa. Naghabulan kami ng pamangkin ko at naglaro ng putik. Hay..life! Walang ganyan sa SM.

Dami ko napag-isip isip sa bakasyon ko. For the first time, nanahimik at nagpahinga ako to-the-max.

Next time na lang yung mga napagmuni-munihan ko...basta happiness and quietness ang life ko ngayon. Pero june na, may mga parting naring mga bagyo.

jam posted at 4:23 pm

Monday, May. 17, 2004

Singing in the rain

It's raining hard outside so I decided to stop by the net cafe before going home. My brother is reformatting the laptop that's why I haven't been blogging lately.

Actually my first option was to play under th rain at the sunken garden. But I had second thoughts because the rugby kids were already dancing in the rain. I don't want to be caught by the security guards as one of the rugby kids. Though sometimes I look like one.

It's our last day of summer class, just one more final exam and I'm off to my sister's place in Pampanga. But before that,I have a 'speaking engagement' on friday.

The youth officers in our church invited me to speak about LOVE for the pleanary session of their summer overnight. I gave them a puzzled look when they asked me about it. Me? Speak about love?! I ask thge VP if I can just speak how evil men are..she told me that the guys will also be there. Sheesh. I'm forced to behave and try not to brainwash them and just stick to the scriptures. I guess I'll focus more on the corinthians definition of love and highlight the 'love keeps no records of wrong' part. Because that's where God and I wrestled last year.

By the way, I want FPJ to win the elections. I'm still in the right mind. I just thought that if ever he wins, the philippines will dive into the lowest pit then we will be very despearte for God, then the Filipinos will learn to kneel and pray to God. I still believe God is not yet finish.

gosh, It's still raining, I can hear the heavy drops and the wind. I'm tempted to go out and have a crazy afternoon in the rain while singing Times of Refreshing...

jam posted at 3:12 pm

Wednesday, May. 12, 2004

mga kwento nung eleksyon

Buhay pa ako! Madami akong kwento sa pag-popoll watch ko nung lunes.

5:30am
Nagising ako ng maaga kahit hindi ako nag-alarm. Excited kasi akong mag-pollwatcher, first time ko kasi itong gagawin. Ginising ko ang kuya ko kasi sabi nya sabay daw kaming pumunta ng marikina. Doon kasi kami boboto.

6:30am
Umalis na kami ng bahay ni kuya. Kaunti pa lang ang tao sa kalsada. Sabi ng kuya ko, daan muna kami ng seven-eleven para bumili ng baon ko. Sabi ko, sige kahit tubig at biscuit lang, okay na. Pagdating sa seven-eleven, kung anu-ano nag kinuha ni kuya, isang pakete ng blueskies, malaking tortillos, isang chips ahoy, isang balot ng hopia (alam niyang favorite ko ito), mentos, timeout at curly tops. Tawa ako ng tawa habang kinukuha nya ang mga ito, sabi ko sa kanya mag-popollwatch ako, hindi magfi-fieldtrip. Sabi niya, mabuti na raw ang handa, ayaw niya akong magutom.

7:00am
Kaunti pa lang ang tao sa loob ng presinct. Andun na ang 2 pollwatcher ni GMA at 2 pollwatcher ni FPJ. Walang taga-bantay si Roco At Ping. Pinasulat ako sa Election Minutes ng Chairman. Mukhang masusungit ang mga KNP watchers. Nakakatakot naman ang mga watchers ni GMA. PUmunta ako sa likod ng mga teacher pata doon mag-bantay.

8:30am
Dumagsa ang tao para bumoto. Mahaba ang pila, mainit at maingay. Nakita ko ang mga kalaro ko dati ng habulan. Ang tanda na nila, at mukhang may mga asawa na rin. Nakita ko rin ang tindera sa paborito kong sari-sari store, medyo may puting buhok na at mukhang pumayat. Maraming nakakatawang eksena. Tulad ng isang ale na pinipilit nyang sa kanila siyang presinto boboto, e sa amin nakalista ng pangalan niya. Ang kulit, nagwawala. Pero sa huli, bumigay din. May mga mag-asawa naman na nagkokopyahan ng boto. Pero may isang mag-asawa na nag-aaway palabas dahil, BRo. eddie ang binoto ng babae at hindi FPJ. Meron naman lola na bumoto na may dalang herbal na bote. Tiannong namin kung ano yun, sabi nya fountain of youth daw. Nagtawanan kaming lahat. Ang kulit nya kasi. Iba-iba ang bumoto, may excited, may napilitan. May masaya, may badtrip. May naka-porma at may mukhang kababangon lang sa higaan. Pero napansin kong walng gwapong bumoto sa presintong binabantayan ko. Talagang extinct na ang mga gwapo nagyon.

12:30pm
Hinatid ni hazel ang lunch ko. Chicken meal ng McDo at dessert na gawa ni tita neng na Sunday ko pa gusto kainin pero sabi niay wag muna daw. Dinalahan din ako ng bangon pero sabi ko, meron na ko. Kasabay kong kumain ang watchers ni GMA. Tinanong nila ako kung may kapalit ako sa counting. Sabi ko, wala, dire-diretso ang pag-babantay ko. Nagulat sila, kasi mukha daw akong hindi tatagal. Sabi ko, kaya ko, kakatapos lang kasi ng thesis namin akya sanay pa sa puyatan. Sabi ko din na libre ang pag-babantay namin, walang bayad, mual sa kaibuturan ng puso namin ang ginagawa namin. Nabilib sila, meron pa daw pa alng mga taong ganun.

3:20pm
Sinarado ang presinto dahil tapos na ang botohan. Inayos na namin ang silid-aralan para ihanda sa bilangan. KAming mga pollwatchers ang nag-ayos ng tally-sheets at elction returns. Tapos, tinawag ako ng chairman para tulungan sya sa pagbukas ng mga balota. Natuwa ako kasi ako lang ang pollwatcher na pinahawak sa mga balota.

4:30pm
Simula na ng bilangan! Madaming GMA, madami rin ang FPJ. Pero sa tuwing tatawagin sa Villanueva, pumapalakpak ako. Kahit ako lang mag-isa. Tapos umamin sa akin ang GMA pollwatchers na si Eddie ang binoto nila. Kaya 3 na kaming pumapalakpak. Tapos mga bandnag 7pm, sabi ng chairman, eddie V. rin daw sya. Kaya ang dami nanaming natutuwa pag-may boto kay Eddie. Nakita ko pa nga ang balota ng nanay ko. Kabisado ko ksi ang sulat-kamay niya.

10:30pm
Halos 30 mins na puro FPJ ang boto. Tahimik na ko. Nalulungkot na kasi ako ng mga panahong iyon. Gusto ko mag-wala! Tapos, yung 3rd person biglang humirit. "ano ba ito puro FPJ! ayoko manalo to!" nagtawan kami, pati mga pollwatcher ni FPJ natawa. Tapos biglang Eddie V. ang sunod na boto, nagpalakpakan lahat, pati mga pro-FPJ.Lakas talaga ng impluwensya ko..hehe

11:15pm
Binasa ang huling balota, at natapos ang bilangan.Si FPJ ang nanalo sa presinto namin. Inutusan ako ng chairman na asikasuhin ang pag-pirma ng lahat ng pollwatchers sa election returns. Pumirma kami sa gilid ng mga tally election returns, at nilagay ang thumb mark sa tabi nito. Para akong naiiyak nung ginagawa ko ito, para kasing sinasabi ko na kasama ako sa nagbantay ng pagbilang nito. Para sa future ko ito at ng mga magiging anak ko. Ang drama ko talaga.

11:35pmNagpaalam na ako sa mga kasama ko sa presinto. Lahat sila naka-ngiti sa akin at tinatanong kung paano ako uuwi. Nag-pasalamat sa akin ang chairman para sa tulong daw na gianwa ko. Sabi ko, "welcome po, ma'am, salamat din po sa sakripisyo nyo." wala na halos masakyan pauwi sa amin. Madilim na ang mga daan at wala ng tao.

Masaya ako dahil naranasan kong maging pollwatcher. Madami akong natutunan, siguro next election magvovolunteer ulit ako. Tutal likas naman akong paki-alamera, edi makiaalam na, para naman sa bayan.

jam posted at 8:49 am